Treading Thin.

Love Hurts, But Sometimes Its A Good Hurt.

Another One Bites The Dust.

I'm baaaack.

*_Updates.

Well, its been a minute since I've wrote in this thing. But I'm going to try to make more of an effort to put in the time to sit down & write. Unfortuanately though, my laptop is out of comission. Not sure if its broken.. but for now its out of use. Anyway, I'll give the short version of whats been happening since March.

First of all.. Robert who? 'nuff said. LOL :P

Hmmm. Me & Christina got really close, when all the Robert stuff was going on and since then we've been hanging out. I always see her around and I've ran into her countless times this year, I'm glad we're catching up. Umm, some bitch stole my sidekick. Yeaaaah, the one I barely had for 4 months. But it's okay, I still have my old one so it'll due..for now. I've been a supppper fatty and seriously need to work out and join the gym again. Work had some drama for a minute but it's been eliminitated. Work has been annoying but I'm coping with it to get that pay check. But my laptop brokee =/ & i've been sick for the last week or so with the flu and strep throat. That shiiiit is not fun. But I'm better now.  For a month & a half now I've been talking to this guy, Lalo. I liiiiike him :) He's a cutiee. (he's mexican. of courrrrse. because who else do I date? LOL) We talk all the time. For a month we were in that new exciting phase. But I think now we're comfortable with each other, which isn't a bad thing, buuut, new and exciting was greaaat haha. He's 22, he has a good job, he's a retail crime investigator, he's funny, nice (most of the time ha.) and we're totally different, but I'm just having fun with it. When it comes to really, really personal stuff, he has a hard time opening up.. buut, I think in time he will. And if not its still okay, I'm not expecting for us to get married.. whatever happens I know we're probably not going to get into anything too serious, but he tells me enough to keep me interested. In June, me & my family will be going on vacation in Arizona which I'm hella looking forward to. I need a fucccking break. But otherwise I've just been doing my thing, chillen with friends, consuming myself with a cuuuute boy, and making plans.

I'll update again soon with a few more deeeper things that have been on my mind.

No Victory For The Underdog.

Even when you're happy about a breakup, you're never really "happy" about it.

-- When you get past all the bullshit, I really do care about you. But I feel like the moment we made it "real" was when the domino effect of us giving up began. How do you expect me to keep going on like this? For the past two weeks everything in my life was good and I was happy -- but when it came to dealing with you it seemed like all I was, was miserable, frustrated, hurt, and confused. I found myelf compartmentalizing you from everything in my life. Considering the circumstances we knew it was gonna be hard, but we said we'd get through it together. But you bailed the fuck out. Now I'm just sitting here, like, dumbfounded.

Last night when I did it, I felt so relieved. Like all this weight had left my shoulders. I never thought I'd be so happy to get out of a relationship before. And thats sad. I'm glad, that I ended things early on though. I learned my lesson from the last time. I don't have the time or energy to go through all that again. But now today, "the morning after" I feel... mad. I'm mad at you. How could you kiss me and tell me that everything would be ok, and that you would be there for me, and stay up til 5am on the phone with me. I cried in front of you, I told you everything that happened before. And you had the audacity to tell me that you "weren't like the others"  and that you could "fall in love with me".

Fuck that. I told you then, like I told you now. I've heard everything, if you are who you say you are time will tell. Well time told allright. Saying I'm surprised would be a lie, but trying to understand why you went through all that trouble, as to what your motives where has left me confused? Its not like you were going to get any sex. I made that verrrrrry clear. So what? Cold feet? At this point, I've stopped caring. Just dissapointed, in you and myself thinking, I've wasted my time yet again. But oh well, you live you learn. You lost your chance. Theres plenty of other guys that are willing to treat me right.

It'll take a hell of a lot to get you back in your spot.